I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
