I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
