My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
