they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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