good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She bit a glass in half.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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