god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
