I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
