Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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