Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
