dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
