I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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