i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My life is pants optional.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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