And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
