Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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