he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
