I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
