Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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