Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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