I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
