who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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