I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
