theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
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I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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