He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
