The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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