all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
