nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Are we still banned from the library?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
