I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
