Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
