next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
