Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
