She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
