Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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