It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
