I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Congratulations! We have a period
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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