so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
