He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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