I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
