My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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