Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
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Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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