sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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