he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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