i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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