he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
