Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
