Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
