she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
