Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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