When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
