Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
