Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
