I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
