didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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