Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
