Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
