I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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