first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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