??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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