After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
