Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
