New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
