he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
