so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
