i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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