"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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