He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
