fuck your aforementioned shoe
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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