So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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