Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
