hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
