i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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