im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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