I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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