I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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