OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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