At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
