He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
