You're my little dorito
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
