this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
