i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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