I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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