her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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