Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
