so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
