To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
