two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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