i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
