Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
