i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
